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Axel Kohagen

  1. Send Swarzak Squatching!

    It is time we all join together to accomplish a great thing, Twins Territory.

    We must send Anthony Swarzak on a Bigfoot hunting expedition.

    Swarzak has publicly discussed his interest in cryptozoology
    . I'm skeptical about the existence of an unidentified , two-legged mammal remaining undiscovered by science for so long, but I'm definitely a supporter of encouraging curiosity into the unknown.

    The Twins pitcher has taken enough ribbing for his curiosity about ...
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  2. The Ballad of Big Jim.

    Twitter started sizzling yesterday. There's a chance Thome rejoins the team and puts a few more taters over the right field flag pole.

    There's no way this helps the Twins long term, but I can't help but be excited. Jim Thome is so heroic Greek mythology borrows heavily from his career.

    Mauer's never going to be that kind of hero. He's the quiet, unappreciated type. Biographies of the cool, consistent catcher will mention how little respect he got in his home town. They'll ...
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  3. The Bear Gets It.

    As a 35 year old man, you don't sit down next to Twins Mascot TC Bear without some trepidation. You're clearly in kid territory when you're posing with him. In fact, you're clogging up the photo line in front of several kids.
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    You're not sure their parents understand.

    A space opens for you beside the bear and you sit down. You look to the bear. He slowly nods his giant, fuzzy head.

    Do you say anything? It's not like ...
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  4. Back to School.

    World Series, baby!

    Twins have lost two games of spring training, but they're actually playing and I heard them on the radio. Plus, Willingham knocked one out of the park. My head still knows they're going to suck, but my hearts already preparing to race as the Twins vie for the AL Central.

    I'm way too excited about guys with giant numbers on their jerseys. This year's Twins squad going to be like a group of high school seniors all the teachers have already written off. ...
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  5. Full Squads, Empty Hearts.

    If my Twins blog gets any bleaker, it'll have to wear black eyeliner.

    Not too worried. First Spring Training home run by a Minnesota Twin will have me predicted a World Series victory in six games. I'm like that.

    Roger Clemens is threatening to become an obsession for me. He could go into the Ty Cobb Hall of Fame for players so completely unlikeable they've become loveable. I'd drive him there myself, as long as I didn't have to rub Icy-Hot on his groin area.
    ...
  6. Spring and Things.

    The Twins are down in Florida, getting ready to play baseball.

    I AM excited, of course. It just feels like all us Twins' fans got a Christmas tree out, and we're trying to pretend the packages that look and feel like bags of tube socks aren't really tube socks.

    It's gonna be a tube socks year, folks.

    Need to make it a goal to at least TRY to remember the names of the starting pitchers. Think I might try cue cards.

    Two crappy seasons behind us. ...
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  7. Off Topic - Bring Back Childhood Memories and Support a Scary Wisconsin Slasher.

    This is off-topic, but if you grew up around the same time period as me, you know what happened after the summer Little League games.

    You went to a sleepover and you watched a scary movie. Probably one where a guy with a mask and a sharp object chased teenagers around the woods.

    Like the song says, they just don't make 'em like that anymore.

    UNLESS . . .

    Slasher Studios is looking for a few more donations to fund their movie Don't Go To The Reunion, ...
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