Mr. Horrorpants

A day after imaging a Twins path to the playoffs, everything awful I was expecting from the team showed up for 9 innings of baseball. Mauer didn't get a hit. The starting pitcher didn't go 5 innings. The bullpen gave out like a bad back.

To top it off, the sky filled with snow while the game was on. I didn't catch much of this one - just enough to give me the idea that Liam Hendriks might be a threat to my blood pressure this year.

Snow after opening day is like getting ...

Tags: hendriks, mauer, twinsinstereo

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As Twins broadcast signs off and repeats the 8-2 score, my thoughts turn to a Minnesota Twins playoff run.

Don't blame me. I tried to smother them in cynicism and reality.

The Twins just have to win games ugly and scrappy for this first third of the season. It's going to take cold weather, weird heroes, and relentless scrappiness.

In that time, they sort out their pitching staff. If they can come up with 3 above-average pitchers and then they can grind out ...

Tags: hicks, playoffs, roenicke, twinsinstereo

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I missed most of this game. I got into my car in time to hear Glen Perkins get all Mama Said Knock You Out on the top half of the ninth. My hopes went up, and Plouffe got on base right as I parked my car.

By the time I got inside and let the dog out, the Twins won on a walk-off double from Eduardo Escobar. I thought about tuning into the game for the post-game celebration but, when you miss the moment, you miss the moment.

From what I heard of the game, music at Target ...

Tags: eduardo escobar, roy smalley, twinsinstereo

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When I sat down in my home office and turned on the Nationals game to hear how Denard Span did with his new team, the sun was friendly and my view was mostly free from snow. By the time I got in my car and tuned into the Twins game, all I could see were piles of snow and gloomy skies.

Gray is the official color of being down by two runs.

The Twins must have settled in after that, but when I got back in my car I listened to them waste a bases loaded opportunity. Duensing ...

Tags: duensing, mauer, span, twinsinstereo

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The Twins take the field tomorrow for the first time in 2013's regular season. It'd be an awful lot easier to find some hope for the year if the snow wasn't so stubborn in getting off of my lawn.

Starting tomorrow, I'm going to record my impression of every Twins baseball game on this, my TwinsDaily blog. I'm taking a page from Stephen King and Stewart O'Nan, who documented a Red Sox season in their book Faithful.

Red Sox won the World Series when they wrote that book. ...

Tags: #twinsinstereo

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I've been married for over ten years, so trying to find an emotional connection with this group of Minnesota Twins pitchers is really hard for me.

Let me explain.

Trying to keep up with the Twins players getting their innings in on the mound feels like trying to keep up with a string of bland blind dates that almost - but don't quite - squash the hope right out of your heart.

I know this from single friends. It sounds like there's always something to like ...

I've liked Cory Provus from day one. The man calls a good ballgame. He doesn't oversell the drama. He sounds like baseball ought to.

Since I've permanently ditched cable for the radio, I've been spending a lot more time listening to Mr. Provus. My opinion hasn't changed.

However, I've begun to notice something.

He's funny.

He's really funny.

He isn't flashy about it. He's not about loud voices, zingers, or crazy stories. I can't quote ...

Tags: cory provus, twins

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While I was moping behind my snowblower, I noticed an unusual formation of snow. I turned off the machine and stepped closer to it.

The identify of those piles of snow became clear. You've seen them before, too. They're the smiling, handshaking baseball players whose image lights up when Twins players hit home runs. The players looked at me as if they were waiting for me to speak.

"Who will these 2013 Twins be?" I asked. "Who can I cheer for? Who can I believe ...

Tags: minor league, twins, winter

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Weather reports tell me something wicked this way comes. I've got two gallons of gas for the snowblower and just enough left in my own tank to dig out from this one.

Downtown, Target Field better be ready. Come April, we're all coming over to watch the game.

With the weather waiting to pummel us yet again, how many of us are imagining a Wintery Wasteland Opening Day nightmare? Ever since they announced the stadium, the truly pessimistic of have smirked small, bitter smirks ...

Tags: target field, twins, winter

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I think Twins magic begins with a car radio, a commute of erratic, skidding traffic, and staring at the sun while waiting for red lights.

Returning to baseball life is a greater gift to the fans living in places where the offseason is covered in snow and loneliness.

When the bat cracks and the crowd cheers, we know the small city filled with red- and blue-clad fans will be born around Target Field. There will be beer, hugs, and shouting.

At that moment, the ...

Tags: twins, winter

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It is time we all join together to accomplish a great thing, Twins Territory.

We must send Anthony Swarzak on a Bigfoot hunting expedition.

Swarzak has publicly discussed his interest in cryptozoology. I'm skeptical about the existence of an unidentified , two-legged mammal remaining undiscovered by science for so long, but I'm definitely a supporter of encouraging curiosity into the unknown.

The Twins pitcher has taken enough ribbing for his curiosity about ...

Twitter started sizzling yesterday. There's a chance Thome rejoins the team and puts a few more taters over the right field flag pole.

There's no way this helps the Twins long term, but I can't help but be excited. Jim Thome is so heroic Greek mythology borrows heavily from his career.

Mauer's never going to be that kind of hero. He's the quiet, unappreciated type. Biographies of the cool, consistent catcher will mention how little respect he got in his home town. They'll ...

Tags: jim thome

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As a 35 year old man, you don't sit down next to Twins Mascot TC Bear without some trepidation. You're clearly in kid territory when you're posing with him. In fact, you're clogging up the photo line in front of several kids.

You're not sure their parents understand.

A space opens for you beside the bear and you sit down. You look to the bear. He slowly nods his giant, fuzzy head.

Do you say anything? It's not like ...

Tags: tc bear

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World Series, baby!

Twins have lost two games of spring training, but they're actually playing and I heard them on the radio. Plus, Willingham knocked one out of the park. My head still knows they're going to suck, but my hearts already preparing to race as the Twins vie for the AL Central.

I'm way too excited about guys with giant numbers on their jerseys. This year's Twins squad going to be like a group of high school seniors all the teachers have already written off. ...