Mr. Horrorpants

Twins at Braves

Gimme Danger? (Game 41)

Bad night in the US outside of baseball. Tornados took a chunk out of the country again, leaving too many dead (no matter the number) and many of the rest battling post-disaster financial hardship like it was a kind of cancer. For those affected, this will be a mile marker for the rest of their lives.

Sadly, but less tragically, Doors’ keyboardist Ray Manzarek died.

The Doors were dangerous rock and roll. ...

Tags: liriano, plouffe, ray manzarek, twinsinstereo

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Red Sox at Twins

The Vanimal and Clay (Game 38)

The Twin Cities team takes the loss and Break-Evening drops to two games away. And yet I dream.

Clay Buchholz stood at the other end of the street again Vance Worley, and the Vanimal was outgunned from the outset of the duel. The Vanimal stood tall in his boots and gave the Twins six innings.

The greatest distance in the world is the distance between two lovers before their first kiss. The second ...

Tags: david ortiz, joe bob briggs, the sandlot, twinsinstereo, vance worley

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White Sox at Twins

Four Sacks of Groceries and Two Dingers (Game 35)

When the Twins have a three run lead, it’s safe to grocery shop without excessive worry.

When the Twins are behind, each trip down the grocery store aisles is pure agony. Every spare moment and empty space offers an opportunity to check the score on your cell phone. When the other team’s runs pile on, it’s hard to keep shopping.

The Twins rewarded my trust with a surplus of ...

Tags: aaron hicks, adam dunn, jamey carroll, twinsinstereo

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Orioles at Twins

A Damn Shame (Game 32)

These days, it’s a lot easier to keep up with the Twins when you’re traveling.

This can be perilous, however.

For example, when the Twins blow a six run lead and you find out in the middle of a friendly conversation with your family. There are words and phrases that desperately need screaming, but politeness dictates you keep your mouth shut.

I settled on letting out a wordless scream. I ...

Tags: provus, rammstein, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Red Sox

Too Old for the Gang at Cheers (Game 28)

Home early, with my wife home as well, I started getting a hankering for watching the Twins play at a sports bar. Baseball’s just a little bit better when you’re covered in buffalo sauce and ordering another beer.

Except it was Monday. And I’m old. And wings plus beer plus anything else starts to add up to be a decent chunk of change. Don’t get me started on the calories, either. Plus, then you’re ...

Tags: david ortiz, ryan doumit, twinsinstereo, vance worley

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Twins at Cleveland

Except Tonight (Game 25)

For me, skipping the 10^th inning of an extra innings game is like skipping the opener of a rock concert. You usually don’t miss much.

Except tonight, when the Twins crapped out in extra inning (singular).

Because I am a fan of the heart and not of the head, I assume the Twins will win all games where the score stays close. And when a home run comes flying out of the Magical Land of Parmelee, the ...

Tags: mike pelfrey, trevor plouffe, twinsinstereo

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Twins at Detroit

That Was Fast (Game 22)

If the Twins have to lose, maybe it’s best they lose quickly so we can all watch a nice movie before we head to bed for the evening.

When Kris Atteberry does the postgame report after a brutal Twins loss, it always sounds like the narration on a Civil War documentary. All they’re missing is a lonesome harmonica sound.

I don’t like it when Mauer isn’t hitting. It’s like adjusting to a world where the ...

Tags: atteberry, parmalee, provus, twinsinstereo

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RANGERS AT HOME

Have Cap, Will Travel (Game 18)

Took the wife to Wits at the Fitzgerald Theater in St. Paul, where Michael Ian Black joined the show for the evening. Black is a comedic laser so sharp you can correct people’s vision with his jokes.

Wits projects tweets onto the wall before the performance and at intermission. Couple tweeters in attendance used the board as a way of checking the score. Caught a couple Twins caps and jackets in the audience, ...

Tags: twinsinstereo

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Double-headers are perfect. Ideally, the Twins would play twenty-four hours a day and I could always listen to them on the radio. There's probably some silly reason that wouldn't work, though.

Heard about the Arcia home-run on a quick phone check, then listened to enough game to feel like the Twins had it ready to put in their pocket. Then I alternated snippets of radio updates and smart phone monitoring to realize the second game might stay close, but it was probably never going the ...

Tags: arcia, john bonnes, rally song, twinsinstereo, zhivago

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Spent the day with friends I hadn't seen in far too long and observed the Twins cementing a victory, via my phone, on the drive home.

Plus, the sun is starting to smack back the zombie hordes of winter snowdrifts. Groovy.

There was another Twins fan present at our afternoon gathering, so I felt no shame about checking the score. There are those other times when you have to monitor the boys of summer without getting caught.

What's your strategy?

...

Tags: twinsinstereo, weather

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Weather kept Twins baseball off my radio from the game ending Tuesday night until today's 2-1 victory over the White Sox.

In that time, the nation struggled to reclaim meaning from tragedy. Locally, winter weather kicked Minnesotan ribs while the state was still down from the last snowstorm.

Baseball would've helped.

Somehow, the Twins are at .500 again. I haven't looked at any stats, but my gut's telling me their at bats have a little more pep in them than ...

Tags: danzig, doumit, twinsinstereo

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I'm ashamed to admit I used to complain about Joe Mauer five years ago. I was an impressionable baseball fan, and I think I allowed the tough dudes of sports bitchery to get too far inside my head.

I picture those men, the constant whiners, as if constantly huddled under bleachers and punching each others' arms to emphasize every point.

I think I'm older and wiser now, and I appreciate Joe Mauer a great deal. He's very good in his bad years, and a precision hitting machine ...

Tags: anthony swarzak, joe mauer, twinsinstereo

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I'm happy the Twins won 8-2 over the Angels on a cold and snowy night. I'm even happy Brendan Harris got a home run for the Angels. I always had a soft spot for him when he was a Twin, even if he did find himself on the losing end of an on-field squirrel attack.

Mostly, I'm thankful that tonight there was a patch of my fair city where people gathered together to watch an ordered, fair, and safe contest. More people watched the event on their televisions, and other (like me) listened ...

Tags: brendan harris, twinsinstereo

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Zombies have already been mentioned twice on my Twins 2013 game-by-game blog. This should not surprise anyone. I mean, I'm not Mr. Cowboypants.

And I guess it's not surprising the Minnesota Twins had me thinking about zombies again, although not in the same way as the last few times.

The Mets' Matt Harvey took a no hitter into the seventh inning. He's a heckuva picture -- Aaron Gleeman's giddy obsession with the hurler reached photoshopping levels during the game.
...

Tags: aaron gleeman, matt harvey, twinsinstereo, zombies

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