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  • Let's Talk Twins Giveaways

    I care a lot about the Twins giveaways, I’m not even sure why. I think the stupid, pointless, but fun things are a part of what make the game of baseball so loveable. (See also: mascots, walkup music, and special handshakes. Not the wave, don’t be dumb.) While the Twins are pretty good about having a handful of decent giveaways each year, there are always some duds thrown in there.

    For example, on the 16th of August, the Twins will have an “aviator sunglasses and shell necklace” giveaway. This idea is terrible. Us women look at the combination of these items as a sign of who to avoid. If the whole ballpark is wearing them it throws everything off. No one is safe anymore.

    The team also did the usual DQ cap giveaway, the fishing lure, and the poster schedule, among other things. These are fine and I understand the tradition of giving these things away every year, but the Twins could do well to be a little more creative. With how they’ve been playing lately they’ve got to try harder to get the people in the park. I humbly submit the following ideas.

    PLUSH
    A few years ago the Twins gave away a plush Joe Mauer to fans 14 and under. Obviously, it was adorable. I think it’s time to bring the plush baseball players back. We have a lot of cuddly options on the team right now. There’s Doumit and his fuzzy red beard. They could do Dozier complete with flowing locks ready to be whipped to and fro. Or, I’ve got it! Plush Glen Perkins with working zipper! Wait, no, that one is terrible. And enough of this 14 and under nonsense, it gets exhausting kidnapping a child or walking on your knees every time.

    FILL IN THE BLANKS
    Of course, being as the Twins consistently have a merry go round of players going up and down from the minor leagues, it might be best to just avoid any player specific items. Maybe have a blank bobble head with a marker provided to draw on the face and name of whichever player is up that week.

    DISGUISES
    Instead of the aviators and shell necklaces they could give out those eyeglass and mustache combinations so you can successfully disguise yourself when the Twins fumble another routine play. Plus a crowd of people wearing funny glasses would just be hilarious. Could really boost fan morale.

    GNOMES
    Finally, my most obvious suggestion: How have the Twins not had a gnome giveaway? The Twins manager is a human embodiment of a lawn gnome! I’m pretty sure if he put on a pointed hat and sat outside in someone’s yard, no one would bat an eye. The Giants (and many other teams) have given away gnome versions of several of their players the last few years. And although the Tim Lincecum version (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH - McCovey Chronicles) has probably given multiple children nightmares, the idea is still pretty great. The Twins did in fact make a Gardenhire gnome that was sold at the Proshop, but I really think Twins fans deserve to be given one. We’ve earned it after all we’ve been through.

    The ball is in your court, Twins Organization. I will be eagerly waiting by my computer for the inevitable email from your promotional department begging for my assistance.
    This article was originally published in blog: Let's talk about the Twins Giveaways started by mchokozie
    Comments 8 Comments
    1. Twins Daily Admin's Avatar
      Twins Daily Admin -
      Considering they share a metro area with the Saints, I think you're right - it's time for the Twins to step up their game. And you're also right - the Gardenhire GardenGnome is a gimme. I would support re-hiring Gardenhire just for this reason.

      While we're at it, Terry Ryan wouldn't make a half bad gnome himself, if gnomes can be bald and somehow not scary. Kirby Puckett would make a cute gnome. Matt LeCroy, obviously. Hrbek would probably work too, though perhaps he might make a better large mythical creature, like a friendly giant. Morneau would make an awesome gnome. If they re-sign him, this is nonnegotiable.
    1. Don't Feed the Greed Guy's Avatar
      Don't Feed the Greed Guy -
      I nominate a Jared Burton/Brian Duensing bobblehead with the words, "C'mon, Punch Me!" carved in the base. Picture, if you will, Burton's fist as it connects with Duensing's bobble.
    1. John Bonnes's Avatar
      John Bonnes -
      One word: Arcia. I will pay cash money for an excitable little gnome with that haircut. Someone with photoshop skills: make this happen.
    1. Jeremy Nygaard's Avatar
      Jeremy Nygaard -
      A "GardyGnome" makes too much sense, really.
    1. Highabove's Avatar
      Highabove -
      One time at the old Met, the Twins had Halter top day.
      Yes you guessed it, Twins was plastered on the front.
    1. 70charger's Avatar
      70charger -
      I didn't get the Glen Perkins-zipper reference, so I looked it up. https://twitter.com/bengarvin/status...754944/photo/1 Lol.

      Great article by the way.
    1. glanzer's Avatar
      glanzer -
      Love the idea of the faceless bobblehead with marker. Especially if it's dry-erase and you can keep playing with it. Should try to sell the team on that one!
    1. Brad Swanson's Avatar
      Brad Swanson -
      Quote Originally Posted by John Bonnes View Post
      One word: Arcia. I will pay cash money for an excitable little gnome with that haircut. Someone with photoshop skills: make this happen.
      Monday Morning Madness - August 12, 2013 - Blogs - Minnesota Twins News & Rumors Forum

      Done
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