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  • Five Players the Twins Gave Up On Waaaaaaay Too Early.

    Pining for the past is something we're all guilty of. It's hard to see guys like Torii Hunter, David Ortiz and Carlos Gomez enjoying success with other franchises and not wonder what could have been. When those former players are breaking out or enjoying pseudo-Hall of Fame careers, it's hard to just look the other way. Heck, this one guy keeps writing about guys like Clete Thomas and continuously linking to it. Like this link, which you can click.

    Since Twins fans seem to be in this mode right now, I thought this would be a great time to catch up with some guys the Twins may have given up on too soon. I'll fill you in on what they're doing right now and how they could have helped in 2014 if the Twins' organization had just an ounce of foresight.

    ~~~ Originally posted at Kevin Slowey was Framed! ~~~

    Player - Brian Bass

    Year with Twins - 2008

    Current Age - 32

    What is he up to? Restaurateur

    Bass owns and operates Brian Bass' Bombastic and Bodacious Walleye Bistro. Since leaving baseball, Bass has used his trademark wildness to his favor, infusing delicious and bold spices into disgusting creatures that have been marinating in lake water and their own filth for their entire lives. It may surprise you, but this fish restaurant has a great meatball stew! Bass may have just one career MLB save, but he always saves the best for last at BBBBWB's with a delicious carrot cake that just dangles in front of the customer's taste buds, basically begging to be hit, I mean, eaten.

    Did the Twins give up too soon?

    It seems like it. Owning a restaurant requires a lot of time, perhaps indicating that the Twins and other teams had miscast Bass as a reliever. Had he been given a starter job, he may have used his skills to post an ERA lower than 5.18. In addition, his proclivity toward lean fish dishes could really help some of the more corpulent players on the roster (the fatties).

    Player - Jim Hoey

    Year with Twins - 2011

    Current Age - 31

    What is he up to? Math Teacher

    Now teaching math to 9th graders in New Jersey, Hoey uses his spare time to try to prove that 7.02 isn't a very high number at all. He's very generous with his students, handing out free passes to anyone who wants one. His height gives him great leverage and allows him to use every inch of the chalkboard. Lauded for his unpredictable style, his students report that they often have no idea where his math is going to go.

    Did the Twins give up too soon?

    Yes, and I can prove it using the Pythagorean theorem. With Hoey and his math skills in the fold, the Twins would be at the forefront of the now 10+-year-old sabermetric revolution. Plus, you don't know real pressure until you try to get a group of 14 and 15-year-olds to stop texting long enough to do just one freaking practice problem.

    Player - Luis Rivas

    Years with Twins - 2000-2005

    Current Age - 34 (I know, it seems impossible, but he's just 34!)

    What is he up to? Real Estate Agent

    Ironically, Rivas is really great at making contact with potential buyers. His clients describe him as a having a "careful approach," an "attention to detail," and an "obscene unwillingness to make any mistakes." In addition, he's really fast so you could imagine him adding more sales as he matures. He just opened his own agency but some are worried that he may be too young for that responsibility. Time will tell.

    Did the Twins give up too soon?

    Obviously, yes. It took a long time, but Rivas owns his own business now! Who on the Twins owns their own business? Joe Mauer's brother? That doesn't count. His new real estate experience will help him actually find home plate from time to time too. If nothing else, he could help Aaron Hicks find a place in Rochester.

    Player - Rob Delaney

    Year with Twins - 2009

    Current Age - 29

    What is he up to? Abstract Artist

    Well, he's drawing and painting stuff. Honestly, it looks like a lot of colors but I can't really make heads or tails of it. I'm told it's really good, so I totally agree with that sentiment. If I had known that Delaney was so creative, I might have appreciated his one game with the Twins a bit more. He pitched that one game, popped up with Tampa Bay the following year for a gutsy and brave seven-walk in five innings performance and then disappeared into the art shadows. It was brilliant artistry. I think.

    Did the Twins give up too soon?

    You know, I'm not sure. I don't really understand art. One time, I thought some art was good and I later found out that the art was actually bad. It was really hard for me. If Delaney was on the active roster, he could always explain his performance as "artistic" and I'd pretty much have to take his word for it. I bet some of his teammates would be in the same boat. OH! Maybe we could get him to paint a picture of the whole team in a boat. An image like that could really tie the room together/unify the team.

    Player - Jeff Gray

    Year with Twins - 2012

    Current Age - 32

    What is he up to? Law Student

    Gray is currently studying law at Missouri State University. While he's early in his coursework and it really isn't going all that well, his advisors are confident that he will become a better law student as he gets older for "no particular reason whatsoever and based entirely on zero facts." The thick skin he grew while drawing the ire of every single Twins fan will help him as a law student as every single friend and family member will get immediately sick of the constant talk of law and law-related matters that all law students are legally required to engage in...at all times.

    Did the Twins give up too soon?

    It seems like it. His new knowledge will make it a lot easier to settle debates within the Clubhouse, keeping things loose. Who gets the corner locker? What type of non-walleye food to provide? Should everyone wear pants or should no one wear pants? Why not have Gray litigate? Plus, as an added bonus, Gray will create a unified sense of scorn as he explains the difference between libel and slander for the 500th time.

    Do you miss these former Twins? Do you wish just a couple were still around? Can you tell that I have a thing against law students? If you are a law student, I deeply apologize for this slander. As we can clearly see, these players could be providing value for the Twins right now. Instead, they are all off engaging in other pursuits. It's disappointing, but perhaps these five former Twins found their true callings. I'm happy for each of them. Except Jeff Gray.
    Comments 23 Comments
    1. snepp's Avatar
      snepp -
      This article > Luis Rivas in a knife fight > Jeff Gray



      Awesome stuff.
    1. Paul Pleiss's Avatar
      Paul Pleiss -
      I can't wait to find out what Bill Smith does after he's out of the organization. Wait... even after the Twins gave up on him, they didn't really give up on him. dang.

      Well, I guess we just keep reading Brad's hillarious writing.
    1. Joe A. Preusser's Avatar
      Joe A. Preusser -
      I admit to swallowing hook, line, sinker. I read the title, saw Torii's pic, and blasted through the link ready to shout out how we offered him 75 mil. Well done, and funny article.
    1. twinsfan34's Avatar
      twinsfan34 -
      Loved the article. And to Joe's point on Torii. Yes, though I thought it was 3 years for $15M and he got 5 for $75M? I could be totally mistaken...
    1. twinsfan34's Avatar
      twinsfan34 -
      Joe...I'm sorry I questioned you...it seems we offered him $15/yr for 5 years they offered him $18M/yr for 5 years.

      Man a poor investment for Torii there!! California taxes and cost of living. I guess maybe as a player it's to 'save face' as the gross number gets tossed around, not the net number.
    1. diehardtwinsfan's Avatar
      diehardtwinsfan -
      great article
    1. spycake's Avatar
      spycake -
      Quote Originally Posted by twinsfan34 View Post
      Joe...I'm sorry I questioned you...it seems we offered him $15/yr for 5 years they offered him $18M/yr for 5 years.
      Not to detract from this delightful, fact-based article, but I am pretty sure the Twins offer to Torii was only 3/45.

      Like the Johan offer at the time (4/80), the Twins were competitive in AAV but wanted a significant "hometown discount" in terms of years.
    1. Monkeypaws's Avatar
      Monkeypaws -
      The Hoey bit is brilliant. Well done!
    1. 70charger's Avatar
      70charger -
      Quote Originally Posted by Brad Swanson View Post
      Plus, as an added bonus, Gray will create a unified sense of scorn as he explains the difference between libel and slander for the 500th time.

      ...

      If you are a law student, I deeply apologize for this slander.
      Ha! Make it 501.
    1. Joe A. Preusser's Avatar
      Joe A. Preusser -
      My recollection is that we offered 75/5 and he took 90/6. Just 1 more year with same AAV.
    1. snepp's Avatar
      snepp -
      Quote Originally Posted by Joe A. Preusser View Post
      My recollection is that we offered 75/5 and he took 90/6. Just 1 more year with same AAV.
      He did have multiple offers in the 5/75 neighborhood (Royals, White Sox, Rangers), but not from the Twins, every report I ever read had them at the 3/45.
    1. Brock Beauchamp's Avatar
      Brock Beauchamp -
      The team was in a tough position at that point. Santana and Hunter were close to leaving, Morneau and Mauer were due contracts in the next few years.

      I'm not really a fan of how it all went down but giving Hunter the money he got from the Angels would have been a massive risk.
    1. Joe A. Preusser's Avatar
      Joe A. Preusser -
      Quote Originally Posted by snepp View Post
      He did have multiple offers in the 5/75 neighborhood (Royals, White Sox, Rangers), but not from the Twins, every report I ever read had them at the 3/45.
      It was quite a while ago, I could easily be wrong.
    1. Kwak's Avatar
      Kwak -
      David Ortiz.
    1. twinsfaninsaudi's Avatar
      twinsfaninsaudi -
      This is satire right?
    1. Tibs's Avatar
      Tibs -
      Quote Originally Posted by twinsfaninsaudi View Post
      This is satire right?
      Nope!
    1. twinsfaninsaudi's Avatar
      twinsfaninsaudi -
      Quote Originally Posted by Tibs View Post
      Nope!
      Ok, so I want to be clear here. If I tell people that the guy the Twins traded JJ Hardy for (who the Twins traded Carlos Gomez for) is now a 9th grade math teacher in New Jersey, I'm telling the truth? And I'm not making a fool of myself? thanks.
    1. kab21's Avatar
      kab21 -
      Quote Originally Posted by snepp View Post
      He did have multiple offers in the 5/75 neighborhood (Royals, White Sox, Rangers), but not from the Twins, every report I ever read had them at the 3/45.
      I'm not even sure the Twins made an offer in the offseason. I also remember 3/45 but I think it was made during the season or in spring training. Basically the Twins had to make an offer to show that they tried but they didn't really make a serious offer.

      Now he's turning 39 in July and he's still going.
    1. 70charger's Avatar
      70charger -
      Just in case anyone needs some decoration for their bedroom wall: http://www.allposters.com/-sp/Jeff-G...et=53105862943

      Check out all of the framing options!
    1. ashburyjohn's Avatar
      ashburyjohn -
      Quote Originally Posted by twinsfaninsaudi View Post
      Ok, so I want to be clear here. If I tell people that the guy the Twins traded JJ Hardy for (who the Twins traded Carlos Gomez for) is now a 9th grade math teacher in New Jersey, I'm telling the truth? And I'm not making a fool of myself? thanks.
      I think it's a good idea to obtain a second source for any scoops Brad reports here.
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