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Bark's Lounge

Baseball in Hell

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Hello again.

I honestly did not think I would be able to communicate with the living up until a few weeks ago. In my adult life I embraced Atheism. When my organic nature expired on Earth, I was surprised to find that there was an after-life. Fortunately or unfortunately, my current residence is hell, under the dominion of Satan. Life in Hell is somewhat strange and I will try to explain that in this written piece.

First and foremost, I would like to apologize to everyone I disrespected or mislead. My Bark’s Lounge identity was used strictly as a fictional outlet for myself to vent, create, and to have fun. I did not think that my actions were wrong while participating on this site, but the clerical staff in Hell informed me that my involvement and actions on this site were a small, but not insignificant part of my after-life sentencing.

Bark’s Lounge was never living in Japan. 3 or 4 of my last posts focused on Bark’s Lounge living in Kagoshima, Japan. At the time I thought this was a fun avenue to go down and to write some fictional stories to. I understand in hindsight, I went too far with certain things and I would like to put on the record that I am not a rascist. Except for purposely writing from a Japanese Detective’s point of view and screwing up his English interpretation, which I thought was harmless, I feel like I represented appropriately, and if I did not, let it be known that I am enamored with the Japanese society and a lot of stories can be thought up because of their fun loving, unique and glorious society.

My last days alive were filled with needless gambling in Vegas. I got a bit in over my head and ran into the wrong crowd. I ended up borrowing money from some top Yakuza Gangsters and was unable to pay them back in the time frame they deemed acceptable. They drowned me in their hot tub and disposed of my body in a landfill on the southern outskirts of town. When I was drowned, I felt certain that was the end.

When I woke up, I found myself in a very dark, but illuminated dark space which seemed to have no beginning or end. Many physical forms would pass you by and dissolve into the darkness. It certainly was a shock, but soon I would be made aware of my predictament. Beings that I would call Satan’s Clerical Staff approached me and informed me That I was now a resident of hell. My instinct was to laugh, but that emotional reaction reached a dead end wall. In hell, there is no ability to laugh, cry, be angry, be happy, be hopeful – the best that I can describe it is as a blank, zombie like reaction to everything thrown at you. Nothing more – nothing less.

In hell I was able to run into Ty Cobb and Rogers Hornsby. They were caught up in themselves and were unable to communicate with me. Kirby Puckett is also in hell with me, we chat on occasion, but he is unsure of what has happened. He never talks about baseball, but always asks me if he has been a good person. I never knew him when he was alive, but I tell him – He was a good person and he was a difference maker. It never seems to compute with him though.

In hell I have found out that after 4 months of settling in, the inhabitants of hell are permitted to visit the living humans that were once important to them for 1 week, In turn it is pretty much haunting them. I did not participate, because my wife has already shacked up with a new guy and the new guy was my best friend at the time of my death. What’s the point – she is better off.

I was able to watch some baseball though. What is our record 4-4? Our starting Pitching will be the hang noose of this team, but they have held their own half of the time. I am guessing we have another poor season – this sewn together pitching staff will eventually implode. On paper it looks like everyone on the offensive side of the coin can improve. Except for Escobar or Florimon, who are reaching further than their expectations. In a season of non-expectations, sometimes the cream of the lesser rises to the top. All we can do is hope,

VIVA Hicks, VIVA Plouffe, VIVA Parmelee, VIVA Dozier!!!

Bark's Lounge
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Comments

  1. Willihammer's Avatar
    Pass the hell this way so we can melt this god forsaken snow already
  2. wavedog's Avatar
    Are you sure it wasn't Nishioka that put the hit on you? Oh that's right - he couldn't hit anything over here in the US.
  3. glunn's Avatar
    Welcome back old friend. I have missed you.
  4. jokin's Avatar
    In hell, there is no ability to laugh, cry, be angry, be happy, be hopeful – the best that I can describe it is as a blank, zombie like reaction to everything thrown at you. Nothing more – nothing less.
    Does that description hold for purgatory, as well? Given how strongly this colorfully rich descriptor of baseball hell resembles Gardy's reaction to Correia's 8th inning meltdown- coupled with his contract extension predicament and your "threadbare" forecast of imminent SP implosion, I think he is, and will be, often in a similar place in 2013.
  5. gil4's Avatar
    "...my current residence is hell, under the dominion of Satan"

    Common misconception. Satan is not even there now, he's on the loose. When he gets there, he won't be in charge, he will be an inmate.
  6. Bark's Lounge's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by gil4
    "...my current residence is hell, under the dominion of Satan"

    Common misconception. Satan is not even there now, he's on the loose. When he gets there, he won't be in charge, he will be an inmate.
    Hello gil4 - No misconception here. Reading text out of a book is just that. I have met Satan face to face - he looks sort of like Errol Flynn with a high octane tan. He comes and goes as he likes. I agree with you that he may be on the loose, but he certainly has a base of operations. Also, he is no inmate, he is the head honcho, believe me, he rules with an iron fist.
  7. Bark's Lounge's Avatar
    Quote Originally Posted by glunn
    Welcome back old friend. I have missed you.
    Ditto.
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