Dog Days: The Ideal Offense
by, 08-14-2013 at 02:38 PM (466 Views)
Hello Humans...my name is Sidney. I am a dog. I am going to write some blog posts this month.
My humans normally write this blog thingy about baseball and good stuff. But lately they've been all tired and stuff. They get up and run many miles while I sleep on the porch. They work on things like spreadsheets and lesson plans while I sleep on the couch. They clean up the house and and read lots of books and cook tasty foods while I sleep on...well..anything they aren't cleaning or reading on.
That leaves very little time for baseball watching, and even less time for baseball writing. The hairy human calls these "the dog days of August..." So I guess they are days for me to pick up the slack!
I like baseball. It is a chance to eat food that my humans drop and sit next to them for three hours of uninterrupted petting. I also like watching the humans on the screen. They run and run and run...like me! They chase balls lots and lots...like me! They are capable of amazing feats of strength and power.
I am fluffy.
But I would rather be fluffy than be strong.
I think the Twins would be better if they balanced strongness with fluffiness.
Think about it. If you hit the ball over the fence then you cannot chase it anymore. It's gone. Behind every wall are gnomes and pixies and things that are playing with the ball. I can smell them. They are bad. The Twins should keep the ball on their side of the wall so they can keep playing with it. If it hits off the wall than the Twins get to run and run, and the other teams have to run and run.
I know that the power is a good thing and it helps the Twins to win the games that make so many humans happy. But if all you have is power, then you don't have other good things, like speed and fluffiness!
So they should hit some home runs but not only home runs. They should be like the strongest, fluffiest person I know: Brian Dozier. He is an inspiration to us all. Sometimes strong, but always fluffy. Of course, a .726 OPS is not that impressive, but it is marginally above the second base average for the league and shows signs of improvement that may continue in coming years. Also his hair is fluffy. He is my favorite.
Okay, my human is looking for someone to play tug-of-war with. I am going to beat him this time. For I am strong and fluffy. I am the Brian Dozier of the Dog World.
Bye for now humans. Enjoy the dog days
Sidney the Dog