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Axel Kohagen

Even the Dogs are Cringing (Twins versus White Sox -- Games 119-122)

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(Twins 4 White Sox 3 -- Game 119)

Twins win on a walk-off hit from Chris Herrmann. That's a memory he'll keep in his back pocket forever.

Pelfrey made a game of it on the mound. Maybe there's something to him, but I don't know if I can take another season of wondering what's going to end up on the Target Field mound, and what pitch its arm will fall off while throwing.

What are the chances it's going to get better, though? I'm as optimistic about the future of Twins pitching as I was about finding a movie on VHS worth watching at the local gas station when I was a kid.

Second Date (Twins 3 White Sox 5 -- Game 120)

Mauer starting things off with a home run, so you'd think someone as polite as Joe Mauer would apologize for the let-down that was the rest of the game.

Correia has a two year contract with the Twins, which reminds me of my personal rule to never commit to a formal event date with someone you just started dating. You don't want to have to put on finery to wince at a buffoon all night.

I Got Somethin' To Say (Twins 5 White Sox 8 -- Game 121)

Doumit went 2 for 4 with a home run and 2 RBI on the same night metal icon Danzig crooned the catcher's walk-up song, "Mother," to a bouncy bunch of black-clad headbangers.

If omens and dramatic timing meant anything in the real world, the Twins would've won. Albers slipped out of his heroic narrative and left the baseball floating in the real world, where the hits kept coming.

Danzig brought out the hits, too. He's in his fifties but he moves pretty well from station to station, hitting the right notes and howling with the best of them. I had so much fun the sweaty fist I took to my package didn't ruin the evening. Maybe next time I oughta be more like ballplayer and wear a cup.

Puppy Love (Twins 2 White Sox 5 -- Game 122)

On my way back from meeting my parents and their six week old Dalmatian puppy at a park south of the Cities, I asked my cell phone if I wanted to bother trying to tune in the Twins game, already in progress, on the car stereo. My phone said no. I put the iPod on shuffle and shrieked along.

My parents new puppy will be a Vikings fan, and will likely have her own little jersey. My beloved Great Dane has a Twins bandana. Pets are people, too, and they cheer for our teams whether they like it or not.

I wonder if they make any connections in their doggy minds. When their owners put on certain clothes, at certain times, they start yelling and making too much noise. Sometimes they force ill-fitting outfits onto puppy bodies (GUILTY!). If pets doctored humans, they'd consider sports a virus.

This season certainly is.

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